I Got This Read online

  Coming off of the Barry Manilow disappointment, I was given a challenge. At the time, I was signed to a record deal with a Chicago-based independent label called Righteous Records, headed by a man named David Johnson. He created a contest for me to be inspired to lose the weight, pitting me against another girl on the label who was much smaller than I was. David said we both needed to lose weight and whoever lost the most would win money. I am the type of person who doesn’t like being told what she can and cannot do. And if you challenge me, I will accept. And don’t expect to win, because I will crush you.

  Let me say that I’ve always been a real girl. If I can’t do something naturally, I won’t do it at all. Period. So I knew that if I wanted to win this contest, I’d be doing it the old-fashioned way—by working for it.

  So I started exercising every day. I’d get up in the morning and do my DVD workouts, first with Billy Blanks’s Tae Bo and then aerobics with Denise Austin. Next, I’d go jogging around my neighborhood. I heard that people used to look out their window and ask, “Who’s that girl running around out there?” It didn’t take long for everyone to figure out it was just me. Next I’d then run up and down some local stairs for fifteen minutes and then jog back home. When I wasn’t working out around my house, I’d head to the gym.

  I started watching what I ate for the first time in my life. I stopped eating fried foods, red meat, pizza, carbonated sodas, and ice cream (all foods I would avoid, as a rule until I started Weight Watchers). I went on a total meat-tox, cheese-tox, and sugar-tox. I ate grilled chicken, brown rice, and broccoli—straight-up diet foods. All the time. And nothing else. I did this same exercise routine for the first half of my day—every day—until I lost sixty pounds and got down to a size 10.

  To me, being a size 10 was perfect. I thought, surely I could be-come a star looking like this. Who would have ever believed that size 10 is still considered plus size in Hollywood? Really, I just didn’t get it.

  Shortly after this first weight loss, Walter came to me and said, “The world needs to hear you, Jen, and I’m going to make sure they do!” God bless Walter because he would go around finding anything I could sing for or be a part of. Walter found out that Disney was holding auditions for cruise-ship singers at a theater school on the northwest side of Chicago. I hadn’t sung for anyone in a while. I had been so focused on losing weight and getting myself in shape. To be honest, I wasn’t very excited about the audition but I reluctantly agreed to go. Really, I didn’t love the idea of taking a job on a cruise ship and traveling so far from home.

  But the audition was two days after my birthday, and I had just gotten a new dress I looked fab in. Since Walter was so insistent, I agreed.

  Disney hired me on the spot. Interestingly, the casting director told me they would have hired me regardless of how much I weighed. Disney didn’t seem to have the same hang-ups about weight and appearances as other entertainment companies I’d auditioned for in the past. They believed in my talent above everything else. I guess I finally fit the bill for that.

  It was around this time that American Idol was holding its auditions for its second season. Walter and my mama kept telling me I should try out this time. In the summer of 2002, American Idol made its television debut. It wasn’t yet the phenomenon it is today, so I didn’t pay much attention to it that first year. But my mama watched the show all the time. One day she came to me and said, “Jenny, I think you ought to go and audition for this show.”

  “Whatever,” I said…again.

  I’d already had my fill of talent shows, and truth be told, I wasn’t the least bit interested in this one. But by the time Kelly Clarkson was named the first American Idol, I was stunned that something like that could actually happen on television. I was suddenly embarrassed that I had been so cavalier about this show, and started asking myself, “Why didn’t I go?” over and over again. I was completely hooked from that point on.

  Unsurprisingly, Walter was on me pretty hard about missing that shot at fame.

  Even so, I wasn’t so sure about auditioning for American Idol now. Since I had already been offered the Disney position, I knew that was a sure thing. If I gave that up to audition for American Idol, I’d be taking a risk even I wasn’t willing to bet on. I figured that I better go with the sure thing. So, I skipped the second year of American Idol to work on the cruise ship.

  Disney moved me down to Orlando, Florida, for two months of training before I spent the next six months performing on the ship. I was cast as one of the Muses in a production of Hercules the Musical, and I also had a solo in Disney Dreams, which was a show made up of songs and clips from Disney classics. My song was “The Circle of Life” from The Lion King.

  The shows were a lot of fun but definitely rigorous and grueling. I had to dance and sing all throughout the productions. Thankfully my weight was in a good place, which made it easier for me to keep up the pace than if I had been heavier.

  Doing those shows was so energizing, and the audiences were amazing week after week. There’s something wonderful about entertaining people on vacation. Everyone is there to have a good time. Even though I loved performing each night, being on the ship, was a little boring, because we’d go to the same places over and over again. I never knew what day it was, because they were all pretty much the same.

  I’ve always been a homebody and a mama’s girl, so being away from my family, stuck on a cruise ship, wasn’t easy. I’m going to be honest and tell you that two days into my contract I began counting down the days until I could get off the ship and go home. I genuinely missed my family. I lasted the eight months working for Disney, and then I went home. That was enough for me.

  In the end, I was extremely grateful for the time I spent on the ship, especially because it gave me the opportunity to save up my pay. I have always been a saver, but living on the ship meant all my meals and living expenses were covered and I could save a lot.

  As soon as I got back to Chicago, Walter surprised me with the news that he had arranged for us to go audition for season three of American Idol. He had already bought the plane tickets. There was no way I could back out. Just two days after my return from the cruise ship, he and I headed down to Atlanta, where I would audition among thousands of other hopefuls. And as fate would have it, this is really where it all began.

  CHAPTER THREE

  SPOTLIGHT

  Walter and I arrived in Atlanta and headed straight to the Georgia Dome, where the first round of auditions for the 2004 season of American Idol were taking place. When we arrived, the show staff gave me a bracelet with a number on it to hold my place. The staff told auditioning hopefuls from the start that if we left or missed our number being called, we would miss our chance to audition.

  I didn’t have a job to get back to. I could afford to wait for my shot to audition. As the day went on, I could see the line trickle down as one by one people gave up before they even tried.

  Basically, the producers wanted us to sleep inside of that dome and wait it out until it was our turn to sing. People had sleeping bags, full camping gear with them. Walter and I only had the tiny blanket and leftover bags of peanuts and pretzels that we took from the airplane. The blanket was hardly big enough to keep either of us warm for the night. We were just not prepared for camping out anywhere, much less on the floor of the Georgia Dome. I also knew I needed some sleep so my voice would be at its best. Thankfully, I had enough money saved to get Walter and myself a hotel room for the night. I also figured my audition number was high enough that I could slip away. I could get a good night’s sleep and come back fresh early the next morning for my audition, and that’s just what we did. We quietly snuck off-site and slept in a nearby hotel on that first night. Luckily, when we came back the next morning, they hadn’t called my number yet.

  The second day, while waiting my turn, I sat back and took in everything that was happening around me. Being at the dome was like a dream come true because it was a room full of amazing singers from a
ll over the world. Eleven thousand of them! Even though it’s called American Idol, I met hopefuls from South America, Canada, and Europe. What was absolutely thrilling was that every person was there for the same reason—to sing. Some of the kids formed choirs and sang off in a corner. Others were running around showing off their skills to one another. While I had an appreciation for all of the talent, I didn’t do either. I wanted to wait for my moment. I was going to sing when it counted and that meant for the talent judges. So Walter and I pretty much stayed to ourselves until it was time for me to sing.

  The actual audition took place inside the dome, where there were eleven tables spread across the span of the football field. There were people everywhere. It looked like those tables were handing out cheese samples or something like that because of the way organizers quickly moved people in and out. Randy, Paula, and Simon were not a part of this round. They didn’t actually come into the process until your final audition—if you made it that far.

  When you’re called to the field, you are directed to one of the eleven tables where you are asked to sing at the same time as the other ten contestants down the row. It is a little distracting to have eleven people concurrently singing. If you don’t have a great ear, you will likely get distracted by the others. And if that happens, you’ll get a “Don’t call us, we’ll call you. Thank you very much, good-bye.”

  My audition took place very early that morning. I was a little worried that my voice wouldn’t be ready as I hadn’t warmed up yet the way I usually did before I sang. But now was my time to show what I could do.

  For my audition, I chose an outfit that I thought looked great on me. I was wearing black corduroy fitted pants, a white halter top that was too short so my stomach hung out, a black bra that showed, always a great look, and really big hair. I mean big hair. I had done my eyeliner in thick black Cleopatra swoops up to the outer brim of my eyes. I thought I looked fierce and no one could tell me otherwise. Oh, don’t get me wrong. Walter tried to talk me out of this look, but I didn’t want to hear it. And trust me, there were some amazing getups going on in the dome that day. Looking back now, though, I would have definitely changed my hair.

  “Hello. My name is Jennifer Hudson.”

  “And what are you going to sing for us today?” one of the producers asked.

  “‘This Empty Place,’ by Cissy Houston.”

  “All right. Go ahead and begin.”

  I opened up my big mouth and did my thing—belted out that tune. Everyone in the venue heard my audition. When it was over, they all started clapping. I was so flattered, but also shocked that so many people seemed to know the song I had chosen. We’re talking about Whitney’s mama so I guess I shouldn’t have been that surprised. Even so, they asked me if I could sing one more song for them, something more current and familiar. I chose Celine Dion’s “The Power of Love,” which I thought would show them a big leap in range and a total switch in genre. When I finished that song, I thought I had done really well—but the producers asked me to sing still one more song. This time I chose “Survivor” by Destiny’s Child, a song I’d been singing for years and felt very comfortable with.

  In the end, I had gone through three eras, genres, and artists. Thank God I did, because it got me through to the next audition phase. When I finished my last song, I was sent to the right, while those who weren’t being asked to stay were sent to the left. As I was leaving, I overheard two boys say, “We can’t sing after her!” But they did and they made it, too. I met them afterward and shared a good laugh together about their comment.

  The second audition meant going back to Atlanta a few weeks later and singing for the executive producers of the show, Nigel Lythgoe, Ken Warwick, and Cecile Frot-Coutaz. That audition took place in a much smaller venue than the dome. The producers told me to do the exact same thing as I had done in my first audition. Meeting the executive producers was significantly more intense than the prior audition. To be honest, at the time I found their presence to be a little intimidating.

  But when I sang “The Power of Love,” I could see it in their eyes that I would be going on to the next round in the audition process.

  The third round of auditions took place in Pasadena, California, which is where I first actually met Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul, and Simon Cowell. I walked into the room wearing a black Versace dress that I had found while shopping in Atlanta during the second audition. It had a hole cut out between my breasts and the belly button, exposing my midriff. Truth be told, I thought it was a good look. I always joked that my present gut was simply my future abs. I used to walk around patting my stomach telling everyone I had a six-pack. Of course, they couldn’t see it, but it was there, just waiting to come out! Funnily, when my audition aired on television, network censors insisted that the cutout in my dress be filled in; this made it look like it was a simple black dress.

  Rest assured that I was still rocking my big hair and swoopy eyes. I introduced myself to the judges and told Randy, Paula, and Simon that I had just finished a job singing on a Disney cruise ship.

  “We’re expecting something more than a cruise-ship performance,” Randy said.

  I knew just what he meant.

  I sang Aretha Franklin’s “Share Your Love with Me” for the judges. When I finished, Randy said I was “brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. The best singer I’ve heard so far.”

  Paula seconded him, saying, “No doubt about it—you can sing your…behind off! You’ve got an excellent voice.”

  Simon didn’t actually comment at that time. He simply told the judges to vote, and then said, “Jennifer, see you in Hollywood!”

  “Yes!” I said as I pumped my fist in the air.

  Oh, yeah, I was going to Hollywood.

  My mama, my sister, and Walter were waiting for me in the hallway. They were screaming at the top of their lungs when I came out of the room. I was amazed and excited because I had made it. I overheard Ryan Seacrest say, “Now that is how you celebrate.”

  I was beyond happy. I couldn’t believe that I had a chance to be part of this show that had turned Kelly Clarkson and Ruben Studdard into stars overnight. I couldn’t believe that Jennifer Hudson, from the South Side of Chicago, was going to get to sing on what was now the most-watched television show in America. I couldn’t believe that my voice was going to be heard by millions of people.

  I arrived in Los Angeles in early 2004 to start filming season three of American Idol. My main goal going into the auditions was to make it far enough to hear Simon tell me I was the best singer he’d seen. I wouldn’t stop giving my all in that competition until I could hear him say that. And before all was said and done, I hoped he would. I always set goals for myself so I have something to work toward. This was my goal for American Idol.

  I ended up in the final twelve by a stroke of luck. I was picked as one of the judges’ wild-card contestants. That was the start of what was a very strange experience for me. I went into American Idol thinking it was just another talent show, and quickly learned that this was in no way the case. People reacted to my voice, but they also reacted to me and my look and my stage presence. I was starting to realize what an integral part image was to success in Hollywood.

  I was grateful when I made it to the final twelve because I was being given a third chance in a single-chance business. I had made it past the executive producers, I had been sent to Hollywood, and now I was in the final round. I had to make the most of it, and put my best foot forward.

  The final twelve contestants on American Idol have a tremendous opportunity, one unlike any that you can really imagine unless you’ve done it. The exposure it provides for someone who has a dream to be a performer is unparalleled. But along with the opportunity comes a very packed schedule. We had a lot of long days, so the 9 P.M. curfew was not only important, but necessary. By the end of every day, I was very tired.

  The final twelve lived together in a large house in the Hollywood Hills. The bedroom for the female contestants was so
rt of set up like a slumber party. We were all in the same room. I shared a room with Fantasia Barrino, La Toya London, Camile Velasco, and Amy Adams. There was a cook in the house who prepared meals for us, and we ate what was prepared, together. We were together all the time. Sometimes things were tense.

  Early on, I remember one of the musical directors from American Idol telling me that everything about me was too big. She said my voice was too big, my size was too big, and my personality was too big.

  “Isn’t that what being a star is?” I asked. “Stars are larger than life!”

  I didn’t understand her motivation in telling me that. Perhaps she was trying to break me down. Who knows? Clearly, she wasn’t a fan. And clearly, this was not another talent show. This was reality.

  Once you make the final twelve, the show provides you with a stylist and makeup artist who are there to help you create your signature look. Before that, however, you are completely on your own. Needless to say, some of my choices got some attention. In those early rounds I wore some outfits that probably put the focus on everything but my voice. I was still thinking that my talent should be the thing people concentrated on, but I was now learning that part of “making it” was cultivating a whole package. Obviously my look didn’t fit into the right package at this point.

  I’ll never forget Simon telling me that my conservative white skirt suit reminded him of a “leather nurse look.” When I chose to wear a metallic silver jumpsuit, he said I reminded him of “something a Thanksgiving turkey should be wrapped in.” I took it in stride, though. I told him not to knock it until he checked it out and then proceeded to model it for him like I was working the runway in a Paris fashion show. Simon also said that I looked “hideous” in my custom-made pink taffeta dress. This was a dress that I had designed myself, and had made for me by a friend. I liked it. But even my sister called to say I looked like I should be on an Easter egg hunt. So, maybe that outfit wasn’t my best, but at least the judges said they liked my song that night, and to me, that was the reason I was there.