I Got This Page 11

  While I wasn’t able to attend as many traditional meetings as I would have liked to, when I did, I often found those to be truly inspirational. I was finally able to sit in a room with other people who were having the same struggles and challenges I was having. Hearing their stories was so helpful to know how other people were troubleshooting their problems and how they were receiving support from others. I found it so inspiring to meet other members who had been struggling with their weight for as long as I had been because it helped me come to a better understanding of my own journey. One member told me she had rejoined Weight Watchers fifteen times over the years. I couldn’t believe it because I had become such an advocate for the program I could never imagine leaving! Still, she never gave up. She eventually came back and has finally found her stride. That is dedication.

  Permanent weight loss doesn’t come with an on and off switch. It is not something you do for a little while and think it is going to change your body. My schedule is as jam-packed as one can get and I still found the time to make the program work. You have to want weight-loss success so badly that no mountain, river, or ocean could keep you from reaching your goals. If you have that drive, passion, and commitment, there is no way you won’t get there.

  Whenever I couldn’t make a traditional meeting, I always made time in my schedule to talk with Liz about my progress and my occasional frustrations. Amazingly, Liz was even able to meet me in South Africa for a few days when I was on location for four months shooting Winnie. There she introduced me to South African Weight Watchers leaders I could call on if I needed extra support. Liz was available when I needed her.

  When I signed on to do the role of Winnie, I agreed to conform to the character, which meant losing weight before shooting and learning the proper dialect. I was already well on my way with the weight loss, so I wasn’t concerned about meeting that requirement. I was, however, utterly terrified about learning the accent. I started working with a dialect coach two months before filming began. I wasn’t familiar with the South African accent Winnie Mandela spoke with, but as an actress, I felt the burden of responsibility to get it right. I thought about Meryl Streep and all of the amazing characters she convincingly played throughout her career and used her as my inspiration to nail the language.

  I never had the opportunity to meet Mrs. Mandela in person, but I knew she was an important figure in history and I wanted to honor her many worldly contributions. Playing her was not to be taken lightly, especially as an American actress portraying an African woman. I needed to be completely in the role, and for the first week or so, I was struggling with that. If I couldn’t make that commitment, I wanted to do the right thing and pull myself from the film. Making Winnie was a huge and scary time in my life because of the immense nature of the character and because this was the first time I was separated from my baby for an extended period. My son was too young to make the trip to South Africa because going there requires a series of vaccinations. Also, David didn’t want him to travel, which I completely understood. It was very far away, and not always terribly safe for such a young baby who is more vulnerable to infections and who cannot have the necessary inoculations. When I signed on for the project, I didn’t have a family. But now I did. Being away from them was by far the hardest part of making the film.

  When we started filming, I believe Darrell Roodt, the director of the movie, could tell I was struggling. He came to me one day to acknowledge that playing Winnie Mandela was a lot for anyone to take on. He said, “After everything you’ve been through and all that you’ve experienced—you’re still here and that lets me know that you want to be here.”

  At the time, I couldn’t see the forest for the trees, but I listened to Darrell and heard what he was trying to say. Whenever I’m in a situation, whether it was being eliminated from American Idol or up against 782 other actresses for a role, I have to fall back on my faith that God has a plan for me. God put me here, so I had no choice but to go with it. I will take that ride because I know it’s my destiny. It took me another solid week to immerse myself in the role of Winnie, but once I did, I was in it to win it.

  We shot the entire movie on location in South Africa, including Cape Town and Victoria. My days were long and deeply trying because the role was extremely emotional. I got up very early in the mornings, usually between 4 and 5 A.M. and didn’t return back to my hotel until very late at night. If I had a day off, I used it to catch up on my sleep or take in the culture of the cities and tiny villages that surrounded me. Although the producers offered to take the cast on safari, I didn’t want to do that. I was there to do a job, and when I wasn’t working, I wanted to experience the local communities and meet the people. When I did, the conditions that I saw were beyond my understanding of poverty. On my way home from shooting one day, I looked out the car window and saw a little boy who was only slightly older than my baby, washing his underwear in a river. He seemed so happy and content. Despite his situation, I was struck by how joyful this boy appeared.

  I saw townships where people lived in mud huts with thatched roofs, had no running water, no plumbing, no electricity, and no vegetation. I noticed smoke coming from one of the townships one day—that seemed odd. I thought there was a fire burning, but there wasn’t. The smell of the smoke was so strong that it gave me a pounding headache. When I asked someone about it, they explained that this was the way those people warmed their homes. I was only exposed to the fumes for a short time and it made me sick; I couldn’t imagine how the people who live in that township felt living with the smell every night. As we pulled away I saw two little girls out of the corner of my eye. They were both barefoot, walking on glass and dirt. I couldn’t imagine letting my baby walk on the city streets of Chicago with no shoes, let alone the filth-laden roads these children were on. And still, those little girls just smiled and waved as we drove away. I asked someone from the crew if they could help me arrange to send shoes to all of the people in that area. And we did. When we returned to give them away, one woman fell to her knees crying because she finally had her own pair of shoes. In that moment, I suddenly realized how spoiled and shallow most people really are. Shortly before going to Africa, my makeup artist and I were in France for a fashion show and we were fussing over the fact that our hotel didn’t have electrical outlets in the bathroom. After seeing how these people lived in Africa, I feel so foolish for acting that way. We live like royalty compared to the conditions I saw in Africa. In many ways, the experience there made me grow up. I learned so much about myself through the eyes of Winnie Mandela.

  Aside from being away from my family, the hardest part of being in South Africa was trying to stay on the Weight Watchers program. This was the test of all tests on my weight-loss journey. Between the time change and the nature of my demanding production schedule, it was very hard to adjust to being there. The schedule hugely impacted my eating habits because my waking hours were much longer than when I am home, which meant I had to make my Points stretch throughout the day. This took some getting used to, especially because I was eating on the fly, and in between takes.

  Thankfully, the portion sizes in this part of the world are much smaller than the enormous American sizes, their food production is less processed, and how food is delivered is so different. Instead of distributing overprocessed foods that can keep on a shelf longer, suppliers invested their money in better refrigeration and smarter packaging so they can package fresh foods. This worked to my advantage and was a real eye-opening experience for me. Because their emphasis was on offering fresher foods instead of foods laden with preservatives, I could continue to move away from the processed foods I had sometimes relied on before Weight Watchers and eat fresher, healthier foods. Even the food labels in South Africa were very different than the ones we have back in the United States, so I had to spend some time figuring out ingredients and calories. Because their country is on the metric system, the labels don’t carry the same numbers I was used to, which meant I also had to learn to
calculate my Points in a whole new way. But I did.

  Winnie was challenging on so many levels. I was making a film that was filled with so much darkness and was deeply investing myself into my character. I was away from my family and found myself feeling sad, lonely, and depressed. As a result, I actually stopped eating enough food to maintain my weight. I was unintentionally losing more weight than I wanted to.

  At the time I was actually as scared to lose more weight as I was to gain it. It was so outside of any scenario I had ever played out in my head. I didn’t think there would ever be a day that Jennifer Hudson would be afraid of being too skinny. Thankfully, the Weight Watchers team was right there by my side helping me to figure out things so I didn’t face a diet disaster. It took some convincing, but I actually had to start adding extra Points to my plan so I could maintain a healthy weight and look consistent on camera. I was eating more, but it was healthy food this time around.

  I was so determined to get this—and not use being on location as an excuse to fall off my program. I understood the principles of Weight Watchers inside and out by now. There was no reason I couldn’t take everything Weight Watchers had taught me and all of my experiences with me and make this work. If I could rise to the challenge, I could take my weight loss to the next level.

  I really believe that it was my time and experience in South Africa which solidified me as a person who actually lives a healthy lifestyle and no longer allows my environment to get in the way. And because of that, I finally trusted the plan. Completely. There was no doubt it works.

  “I got this,” I said aloud.

  And I did.

  As I grew more confident, I began to notice that people from the cast and crew were starting to pay attention to what I was doing. Several people began asking lots of questions about Weight Watchers and my personal program. The script supervisor used to bring me chocolate every single day on the set. She kept asking people how I could eat chocolate and still be so skinny. Someone finally told her that I track my food and then keep a tally of my Points. By doing this, I stay within my limits and won’t fall away from the plan. Intrigued, she came to me to find out more about the Weight Watchers program. Before I knew it, I had several people from the movie following the plan, too. I suddenly felt like the pied piper leading the way.

  After navigating my way through eating in South Africa, I now know that I can travel anywhere and stick to the program. It doesn’t matter where you are because conscious eating is the same all over the world. Saying you can’t because of where you are physically is just an excuse—covering up something going on emotionally or psychologically.

  When I returned from South Africa, I was asked to shoot my second commercial for Weight Watchers. I wanted to play a joke on the Weight Watchers people by wearing a fat suit in to the shoot so they would think I gained back all of my weight while I was on location. I couldn’t get a convincing fat suit in time, so I did the next best thing. I wore a prosthetic pregnancy belly in to the shoot and had them all believing I was having another baby. Even my manager wasn’t in on the joke, so when everyone saw me, they freaked, but no one said a word. I was sitting in a chair rubbing my tummy like I was ready to pop at any minute. When I got to wardrobe, the stylist took one look at me and said, “We may need to let your clothes out a bit….” She was panicking because I was supposed to come in with a brand-new size-6 body. Instead, I came in looking nine months pregnant!

  I couldn’t believe that everyone was being so polite, especially because we only had that day to shoot the commercial.

  Finally, the stylist looked at me and asked if I was pregnant.

  “No. It’s a joke.” We had a good laugh over it, even if no one else did!

  CHAPTER TEN

  DON’T LOOK DOWN

  Once I got into the groove, being on Weight Watchers actually became fun. I wanted to tell everyone I knew about how great I think this plan is for losing weight. Everywhere I go people stop and want to ask me how I lost my weight. Not long ago, I was in a park playing with my son when a young heavy-set girl came over to me.

  “Wow. You look so skinny!” she said. “So, that Weight Watchers thing really works, huh?”

  I was thrilled to take the time to talk to this young girl and tell her all about the virtues of the program. Even though I was at the park to spend time with my baby boy, if it meant that five minutes of my time could change a life, I was happy to share my journey with this perfect stranger.

  “So, this is how it works. All you have to do is keep track of your Points. You get a certain number of Points to use each day. When you’ve used those up, you’re done eating for the day. That’s it. That’s how I did it.” I was trying to keep it as simple as I could.

  “That sounds too hard,” she said.

  As soon as I heard her response, I knew this girl wasn’t ready to make the commitment to change. One thing I know for sure is, you can’t force the issue. When someone wants to lose weight, they will do whatever it takes. They can’t do it for anyone else but themselves. It has to be for them alone. Without that understanding, they will fail.

  As my weight loss progressed, I shared my newfound love for healthy eating with my sister and several other members of my family. My family has always been supportive of everything I do, so when I told everyone that I had started Weight Watchers, several of them decided that they wanted to try it, too. And for those who wouldn’t get on board, Lord knows, I did what I could to try to convince them to join.

  JULIA, MY SISTER

  Our family is a family that eats. If you go to anyone’s house for a visit, they will always try to feed you. That’s the way it has always been. When my sister, Jenny, decided to go on Weight Watchers, she came to me and begged me to start the program with her. Jenny was always the skinny-mini in our family. Maybe it’s because Jason and I were so much heavier than her that we never noticed that Jenny was heavy, too. She told me all about Liz, her weight-loss leader, and offered to set up a consultation between us. I wasn’t all that into going, but I told my cousin Pam about my meeting, hoping she might want to come with me. Before I knew it, several other family members decided to join us, too. I was still reluctant, but since the family was getting on board, I agreed to give the program a try. I was very successful for the first two months. Before I knew it, I was down forty pounds, and after years of insulin dependence, I noticed that when I was eating according to the Weight Watchers plan, I really didn’t have to take my daily shots. You might think that that was enough to keep me motivated to stick with it, but it wasn’t. Aside from the change in my blood sugar levels, I didn’t really feel any different from the weight loss, plus my old eating habits were really hard to break.

  I know that no one is holding me back but me, and still, I couldn’t seem to follow through. You see, I am an expert excuse-maker, so I came up with a thousand reasons I didn’t want to stay with the plan. I drive a bus, which means I sit on my rear end all day long. Most everyone I know who drives a bus for a living gains weight. Since I have to get up really early in the morning to make my shift, I don’t have enough time to prepare my food for the day. I’d stop at the gas station on my way in and buy chips and donuts to eat for breakfast. Truth be told, I enjoy eating junk food. I’ve always been that way and don’t have any plans to give it up. The funny thing is, I am the most competitive person in our family. If I really gave my all, I know I’d be the family’s biggest loser. My head is just not there. I don’t like it when someone tells me I can’t do something, so restricting how much of my favorite foods I could eat just didn’t work for me.

  I think about going back to meetings. I see the progress that Jenny and so many of my other relatives have made, so deep down, I know the plan works. If I ever go back, I will have to commit to getting it together, and right now, I don’t really have the willpower to do that—at least not yet. One thing is for sure, if our mama were here, she’d be fussing over Jenny’s weight loss. She’d say something like, “Now, Jenny, y
ou just got too skinny and don’t be losing any more weight!” That would be our mama.

  My sister and I have always been close but we couldn’t be more opposite—especially when it comes to taking care of our bodies and our health. She loves her junk food, and though I love my food, too, these days I like it healthy. I’ve always been known for my strong beliefs, but my sister has that dangerous combination of being both strong and stubborn. I tell her all the time that she needs to try a new way of looking at food and change her eating habits or she will not be around to enjoy life. She’s so feisty when she is telling me she is “fine,” and that she doesn’t need my advice. But the reality is, she is very overweight and suffers from diabetes. She is completely insulin dependent, in part due to her obesity. I love my sister and want her to be around for a long time. I had hoped that she would somehow get inspired by my weight loss and give Weight Watchers a try for herself. I begged and begged until one day she finally said she would do it. Julia stayed on the program for two months and lost a little more than forty pounds. But then she quit.

  I was so proud of her effort and disappointed in her decision to stop. If she really gave it her all, Julia could blow my results right out of the water because her weight loss would be far more dramatic. She knows she’s the only one holding herself back, and when she gets sick and tired of feeling the way she does, she will come back. I know it.

  I think Julia is like a lot of women who want to lose weight. They give it their all for a while, but they don’t fully change their habits. Anyone can lose a few pounds, but not everyone has the tools to stick with it. I don’t judge my sister for giving up. I understand her feelings, and I feel her pain and frustration. I know how hard it is to undo everything you know and are comfortable with doing—especially when you have a lot of weight to lose. It feels like a huge mountain you have to climb. But we can’t let our insecurities own or destroy us. We have to face them head-on. That was part of the challenge that motivated me to take this journey. I wanted to see what I could do and, more important, I wanted to understand everything that was holding me back. That took some soul-searching and spending some time alone asking myself the hard questions we all avoid.